


Starpower

by graspthesanity



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, F/M, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Queer Themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-05-18 09:24:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14850116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graspthesanity/pseuds/graspthesanity
Summary: Kylo Ren struggles with Rey, his subordinates and his rival.





	1. Chapter 1

There is something about keeping a secret which sprouts rumours regardless. It becomes a matter of chatter, which ends up digging into my bones and soon enough it gets strangled at the core. Sometimes it just stops there, sometimes there is fear and doubt. Sometimes there is a flickering screen with no entertainment. I wait patiently for the next girl to wake up, feeling a bit uneasy from last night. 

One thing is knowing yourself, the other is not recognizing yourself in the mirror, feeling that all of your inner core has been shaken. I stand next to the bed, until my patience runs dry for her to wake up, but she does nothing, she continues her sleep. The girl turns to her side and I get to see more than a glimpse of her brown hair, which was the reason I had asked her to join me for dinner last night. We made small talk during it, she knew what she was called in for. Rumours spread, but besides hushed voices, that's all they are. 

I've even heard General Hux stop while walking and listen to two stormtroopers. All stopped upon seeing me and we all went our separate ways. Everyone seemed to be conflicted and not sure what had been going on with me, the sudden change and ridiculous amount of girls I had been calling in, was something on everyone's lips. I never wanted attention. I knew which mould I managed to fit in and seemed pleased with it, calling the same stormtroopers, knowing that they wouldn't gossip or at least keep their own sexuality at bay, but now all was different and bizarre. 

Any change becomes gossip easily. Girls gossiped far too much, bragging that they got their turn and the other male stormtroppers were just confused how I had managed to stop them with a sudden movement, a flick of the switch. 

No one asked me anything, not even Hux bothered. Instead I would just sit silently and wait for Rey to show up, to talk to me, because at night we would be reserved but sometimes I knew that she would see things. I knew that she had hope. I couldn't help but toy with her, as if she was just as disposable as the rest, but in my mind there was something else deeply going on. I knew that there was too much going in my mind and I could see her as well, how her mind dwelled and how she doubted herself. I knew how vulnerable and scared she was- 

The girl from last night gave out a small snore and I grabbed her by the force and shoved her against the wall. A scream was muffled for everyone by the walls, which were soundproof everywhere, maybe because after all, we all needed our rooms for a brief private life. I approached her, blood trickling down her forehead.

“Get dressed. Speak nothing.” She did as she was told, not saying a word to me, but I knew the gossip would spread. I just sat, facing the window, waiting for Rey to appear, knowing that she had seen last night so easily along with my vulnerable desires linked to her. 

Sometimes I would just lie in bed, not let her reach any fragment of my mind, not even recalling where had I even gone wrong. She was so naïve, even with all the slips I had done, she still believed that everything could be achieved, that I could be dragged to the resistance side. I couldn't understand what could even be attractive about her. I had been used to have the same one night stands over and over with different men, sometimes talking and they would speak briefly of other men who were interested in sleeping with me or who was even gay in the first place. That's how I would makes notes, but nothing could prepare me for being interested in a girl, who had some deep desire in saving me. 

I couldn't save myself, which was a thought I ended up falling asleep to many nights in a row. 

Rey was still asleep and I could see how terrified she was of failing, I could stretch my hand and feel all of her doubts. Maybe the similarities were holding us together in a way? I had no idea, I could only propose many hypothesis only to discard them suddenly for new ones. 

I knew that she had thought of me that way as well, I had seen what she thought of before she would fall asleep, her eyes opening suddenly and her cheeks heating up, but she would let me peak, after all, there was still a lot for her to learn, how to hide but then seeing her desires for the first time after I had realized my own, made me think a lot of how mutual the whole affair might've been. 

I wish that I could touch her, I wish I could replace every time I've had sex with a woman recently with her. I was infatuated, there was no lie about it. She just kept dragging me along like a magnet and I knew that just like she thought her plan was unseen, that she was the only one thinking of it, I had the same thing. I knew that she maybe even saw me as a pawn she could turn into a king. I wished of that so often, as we would talk briefly, letting the other see the other's passion. It wasn't a broken telephone, that's what scared me. 

I couldn't wait to finally touch her in every possible way, to give her pleasure, instead of giving her imagery. I wanted her to lay in my bed after being cold for so long, after Luke's training-

Luke.

Snoke.

What was the difference anymore? Even with Rey, why was I always used?

I remember once I had sat for dinner with Hux and I had wanted to ask him, considering that we had been always given so many orders from Snoke. I wanted to ask him, how come we were just pawns? But instead we both remained awfully quiet, just eating our food and eventually I spoke of something which caused him to flinch, as if he had seen me talk for the first time. I heard nothing of Hux, I recall even once I had asked a stormtrooper who I had just finished sucking off, as he was catching his breath, what did he know about Hux. No one knew who entered his chambers, so I assumed that he was either very kept to himself and just touched himself. 

I didn't want to entangle anything with him, which would've made everything awfully awkward so I had left it at that. 

“Rey.” I had said softy and I saw her move around, still bewildered and under the curtain of sleep, but she just rubbed her eyes, ready to listen to me anytime, for any confession to break out. The scavenger, now turning into a Jedi, sat up. 

I wanted her so badly and I knew that the time was coming and even frankly a kiss was driving me crazy with the mere thought of it. I was feeling her uncomfortable sleep, but instead she waited for me to say something. She had so much hope, she had somehow so much love to give. I felt as I had nothing in return, besides offerings which she would hear much later. Was love a tool since it made people blind to their surroundings and the consequences?

Wasn't she scared at all?

It was cold enough for her to strip, but I could only imagine how she looked beneath all those clothes of hers. Rey had seen me naked and in action, I had let her see how I thought of her with all the possible brunettes in the ship. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to kiss her, I just wanted everything all at once. 

My attraction to Rey felt sudden from all the conversations and all the plans which Snoke had been whispering to me, so that I could hear and slowly dissolve further, stray into his own plans, when I had started growing tired of being a pawn in everyone's game, thinking that only under certain considerations would I grow to be a king of the side of their choice. 

I would talk about men with other men I had slept with, I kept my mouth shut from Hux, it was not us to gossip about what had been going on and I wasn't even sure I wanted to know who he was sleeping with, if at all. But what would I say now? I was the talk of the ship and I didn't want to spread it further, sometimes I would get so angry that I would strangle to death without much hesitation and the body would be taken away as soon as I would dress up. 

But who would I talk about suddenly being yanked into two different sides at once? I was just sleeping with women, because I was infatuated with Rey, but in the beginning it had been a pure mix of both and the more I had dipped my toes into the pond, the more I slept with brunettes only. But then everything could change so easily. 

I finally opened my mind to her, showing her more of my fear and I could feel her stroke my face. I knew that it wouldn't be long, until she would break and leave to me. Neither was she someone who I wanted to speak of my confusion and my sexuality, even if I knew that she seemed like someone who would understand somehow. But then how can one trust someone else when they don't comprehend something until the very end?

I knew that the attraction was mutual and that scared me. I knew she would come and I had faith, because I had been blind so many times, just allowing people to take my hand and lead me. So how come was I putting everything into a scavenger's hands? Why had I fallen for someone like her? Just because we could talk?

For that reason I could traumatize Hux by talking, but instead I left him in pure silence. I could see that something was making the gears turn in his head, but he kept everything to himself, his dark circles growing bigger and darker. I thought of him once, I had held my gaze on him, wondering how come he bothered with his hair every damn morning and that had been it. I didn't make much of the surrounding people around me, let alone people below me. They all had faith in many things, which I had started losing in, but with the right direction

with Rey

I could change things around.


	2. Chapter 2

It seemed strange to watch everyone else struggle to get laid. Maybe it was just me, but as time went and Rey began to get more powerful, I would get even more desperate. It was easy for me to get sex at the click of my fingers, I needed no power play, I just needed an invitation and the next brunette would simply spread her legs for me. The gossip had started to irritate me as well, but there was nothing I could do. It was rather uncalled for to kill even single one of them and I knew that Rey could be watching. 

I had killed two of the most chatty ones and I had seen them refuse a few other troopers. Maybe they both had some idea that there was some grandiose scale they were a part of. 

Instead I just imagined myself with Rey and she would watch. One night she had seen it all, she had seen how I caressed another girl. She had seen how I played with her breasts softer than usual, how I just stretched it far longer than I would. I made an entire show for her, I wasn't as rough and animalistic, it felt the closest I had ever been to making love, maybe that's what got in the dead girl's mind. I wasn't sure. 

Right after I came, the scavenger didn't hold and stuck a hand between herself, regardless of the cold and started touching herself. I could feel how turned on she was. I shooed away the girl, which was no surprise, and I watched Rey pleasure herself. Her panting, her soaked fingers and how she would tease herself by sliding a finger or two in. 

“Ben.” I really wished I could kiss her. I wished for so much. That thought, the whole idea which was beyond animalistic sex was growing on me. I wanted so much more from her than just desire and everything I had planned. I was truly falling in love with a woman, after spending all my life lusting after other men or boys as I had been growing up. The desire was different and I couldn't understand the full nature of it. “Stay with me.”

She wanted me to watch. 

So I did. 

“Please come here.” I whispered back to her, knowing how much we've been dying for everything. I knew what she had in mind, but I didn't care. I would change her mind, I would show her what would happen, she would give in. I could feel her finger stroke my face. I could feel her teeth biting my bottom lip and I could feel her deep breathing before an orgasm. 

I had no idea how long she ended up holding so long. She came, arching her back, fingers in as deep as possible and all her hands soaked. She curled up into a ball afterwards, it was cold and her shelter didn't provide much warmth. Rey knew she had to leave. 

I could feel the fear in her, as she left. The whole time we barely talked, as if we were keeping everything for when we would see each other and that terrified me, I was no liar to myself. What if it would all be different? What if there was something I calculated wrong? 

But she knew. She knew me inside out and I had let her go into such corners of my mind, which I had never let anyone else, even myself properly. She knew all of the truth, besides what was ahead. She knew so much. 

We went right to my quarters, maybe there was something primal left among us. She still felt cold to me, as if she hadn't heated up from the cold weather, but I couldn't care less. We just started kissing desperately, without a second thought in mind. 

Sometimes I would wish that I wasn't attracted to women, let alone the scavenger, that all of this could be somehow erased. I didn't feel confident at all. I felt as if I was a mess, uncertain about so many things and the directions she had been stirring me into. Having her in my arms was intoxicating to say the least and how hungrily she had been kissing me back, erasing doubts slowly but I still felt scared and I didn't want it to be seen at all. Rey was the one trembling after all, her own mind racing and I could see it more than anyone. She was on a fragile idea that everything could somehow make sense, that she would be able to drag me back into the light from which I was rejected and walked away from. 

I wanted something else. I wanted no First Order, I wanted no Rebellion, I just wanted us ruling the galaxy, maybe she knew that but thought she could convince me further. I knew that it was her idea all along, but I played it as much as she had. We both had hope in talking to the other, that somehow a face to face conversation would turn the other's stance dramatically. But just like any other couple who hadn't seen the other in a while or a teenager's first time curiosity was taking over us. I started kissing her neck as she was undoing her scarf, all of her clothing, then tugging at my own. It was never sexy to get out of that many layers which we would normally wear. 

“Ben.” It was different when she would say it and I knew that she said it with so much meaning to both of us. She leaned her head back, exposing more of her neck and allowing me to bite it softly, I wasn't sure she would enjoy the rough sex I would normally have with the men and it was always different with a woman. It seemed strange how sex was so alike yet so different, but then maybe I just happened to find people like that. I wasn't entirely sure. 

She finally removed the last layer, a thin shirt underneath it all, exposing her breasts and I stopped and stared at her shirtless, for the first time. I was getting awfully hard already and I wouldn't be surprised if my cock had been coated in precum. I lowered myself and took both nipples between my fingers, squeezing them, all this time not allowing myself to look away from Rey. She closed her eyes and moaned, before opening with more desire than I've ever seen her. I then took one in my mouth, sucking on it, as my other hand played with her breast, squeezing, tugging at the nipple, pinching it and pulling. 

Rey then looked behind, searching for the bed, my quarters were big enough to even fuck on the floor but I was sure that after it all, she wanted something else, which was far softer and for her it could've been her first time for all that I've known, we never spoke about our sexual partners even if she had seen all my lust towards the every single brunette on the ship. She took my face in her hands and lifted me up, kissing me all over again. I removed my own shirt and proceeded kissing, before she took my hand and lead me to the bed. 

It all seemed strange and new, even if I had fucked women numerously ever since I had found myself attracted to Rey. Was it really just because she listened or was there something more? Is understanding all we need to fall in love? I twitched at that word internally, not sure how and why my mind was slipping into such depths which I didn't even want to address properly. She laid down, removing her pants and underwear, nothing of the expensive sort I would find on the higher ranking officers, but then I never was too fond of lingerie. I would even joke about it with other gay Stormtroopers, who had tried women or were even attracted themselves, but I kept it separate. I kept my attraction to women limited to the women I would encounter and same for the men I slept with. 

Rey spread her legs out, her face a bit flushed and showing how wet she already was. I didn't take any moment to hesitate and spread her legs even further, before going down on her. I had been waiting for this moment for a terribly long while, just to see how she would taste. I licked her clit all over, causing her to shiver and put her hands on my head. She probably expected me to fuck her already, but I was nowhere close to the main event. I wanted to make sure she received all the pleasure I had given to the rest and even more. I would peep at her, as she would arch her back, whenever I would slide my tongue inside her tight entrance. Maybe, she was a virgin after all or just obviously hadn't had sex in a while. Either way, it was turning me on horrendously, that I had to stroke my own cock over the fabric of my pants. 

It was nowhere close enough. 

I kept on licking and sucking, Rey's hands digging into my hair and moaning, thrusting against my mouth, begging me to lick harder and that's when I stopped. I started taking my pants off as I got myself back to her lips and kissed her, letting her taste herself. I took them off and as soon as I did, I slowly started positioning to go inside her. 

“Please.” She begged, but instead I just traced my cock around and rubbed against her clit again. I gave a small grin, as she would simply kiss me harder, taking my cock and guiding it inside her, she was far too turned on and I couldn't blame her as I was on the same level. We both moaned as even just the tip went in. As I would slowly push myself in, she would bite her lips, gasping and trying to get used to the size. I was big and I knew it. Maybe I should've taken lube, but it was too late now. “Ben, move.”

I knew how a cock my size felt and I kept getting turned on by the fact that she was ecstatic from my size, regardless of how tight she was. I started slowly at first still. But she was having none of it. She wanted it faster, thrusting herself against me and kissing me, panting and then I stopped torturing her and fucked her hard, just like I would anyone who could handle it. She was dripping wet and making a mess of my bed, but I couldn't blame her, I knew that I would make a mess of the bed soon enough as well. 

“Rey.” I said through moans, fucking her deeper, harder, faster. She wasn't even touching herself, she was getting near just from penetration and loving it. Rey put her legs around me, trying to get as much as she could of me inside her. I was now balls deep in. I leaned down to kiss her, as we both moaned between every thrust from all the pleasure, getting closer and closer, my hands finding their way to her chest all over again, but as soon as I squeezed she broke the kiss, pulling me closer and screamed, her orgasm taking over her and her body shuddering and shaking-

I kept thrusting in and out, in and out, watching her and soon the orgasm reached me as well, a pure sense of ecstasy and pleasure to an extent that I haven't felt. I thrusted deeper as my cum burst out of my cock, my own heavy breathing matching my orgasm and spurts of cum. Rey hugged me, holding me awfully close and kissing my forehead. I could read too much in her eyes, but instead I hugged her back. I wanted some bliss to happen further before we would start talking and before someone's hope would be crushed for good. I wanted us to be lovers a bit further. I probably kissed her with the same lovestruck look in my eyes, she would know better than I would ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first straight sex scene after God knows how long. I was rather nervous writing it, but I kind of tend to write sex scenes in one go and thankfully it was the same case with this one. Struggling with sexuality is never fun, but it's easier having an outlet to talk about it and in such a fun way like writing fanfiction.
> 
> I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who enjoyed it so far! I've really been on a big Star Wars roll even if I'm a bit of a snail writing, but it's loads of fun to be back in the fandom and all!


	3. Chapter 3

Hux was awfully surprised to see Rey on the ship, once we had made our way out for more than a second, bumping into him. I could feel Rey going cold, knowing everything the man had done and possibly never forgiving him until he would be dead, but instead I just excused both of us, as we had business to attend, but he still stood there even when I looked back, watching both of us go deeper towards Snoke's chambers. Neither did he say anything, his face unreadable as always. I hadn't even heard any rumours of him, sleeping both with the men and women, getting curious from time to time about what was the General really up to. Maybe he just preferred his own company and his own hand to pure human touch. Some were weird like that instead of abusing power to get proper sex. 

I didn't have much time with Rey, frankly what would I even say? Because my mind had been a proper mess, I couldn't accept the fact that a simple scavenger had flipped my life upside down. I didn't want her to know that I had hesitated terribly before I had called the first woman into my bed, that a whole whirlwind had been going on in my mind. Maybe I had truly fallen like all my greatest nightmares had whispered into my ears. I didn't want to be weak, I didn't want to have a weakness either in the form of another woman. I could deal with men, but this was different. 

All of this had to be played out like a game, every single move had to be cautious because the consequences could be disastrous. She had to have faith too in whatever her plan was and ready to discard it. Maybe I should have stalled but there was only so much time I could buy with Snoke and he probably was more than aware of the bond we had built, but in his head it was all part of his game. All of us were nearly pointing lightsabers at each other, ready to strike the other down with a single movement. There was a lot of mistrust between me and Rey, regardless of the fact that we had just become lovers properly. I wanted to take her hand and as soon as we reached the chambers, I just looked at her. 

I expected either of us to be scared to the core, but there was something else in us. 

Hope.

And that dies last, no matter how much I wanted that erased, I still believed in that and I let Rey hear that quietly, which made her smile. I looked one last time up and we headed inside. 

I didn't know what to expect, it was just a matter of rolling the dice and seeing what would land, what would show up afterwards. I knew that Snoke would know far more than I ever would expect him to know. He would easily use it against me, he knew far too much and I had been far too tired from everything. I knew that Rey wouldn't give up easily either. It was a losing situation for two of us at least, if not all three of us. 

When he confessed to building the force between us, just so to drag her, so that she would give in, I held my emotions. Rey was the one who was easier to read, who just showed pure shock on her face, terrified from everything happening. Afraid that I would end up discarding her in the end, as Snoke kept talking on and on, but I didn't listen.

He had nothing to say that I had no idea of. 

I knew every trick up his sleeve, he didn't know mine. 

That was the reason for his downfall, when he was distracted by the sweet thought that I would just pierce Rey with my lightsaber, that's when I struck him down by using the force. I expected a scream, but nothing came, instead Rey looked behind and I could only imagine how shocked the poor girl must've been, but this was just the beginning of the chaos which would occur. 

All of the guards came at us at once, it was nowhere gracious, both of us getting burns and nearly being killed by every single guard, because they had been prepared for anything which would happen to their precious Snoke. It felt odd fighting freely but with so much fear clouding up my vision, because after the fight I would have to tell her everything. 

I didn't want to lose her so fast. After so short and I ended up getting nearly killed at those thoughts and in the last second she saved me. 

I don't want to be alone. I see the hope in her eyes, reflecting her entire mindset that I've changed. One down and she was the next to be disappointed in me. I could barely move my mouth, but somehow I needed to find the strength in me. 

“C'mon, Ben, we can run away now! We can still make it!” She exclaims, but is stunned to see that I've barely moved towards her. I was taking away all of her hope. I was going to pull the rug from underneath her. 

“Rey, haven't you learned? It's all lies... All deception.” My voice doesn't tremble even if I've never been so scared in my life and I stretch my hand towards her. “We can change it all. The Jedi, the Resistance, the First Order, the way it was... wrong.”

Maybe I should play a bit into her ideas. Was I lying again? Was I going to lose her? 

“But we can bring order to the Galaxy.” And I step even closer to her. 

“No, Ben, not like this.” Her eyes start swelling up with tears, emotions making their way through. I had been taught so long to hold everything within me, that I am surprised at myself how easily I can hold everything in, but I still feel like my eyes can show disappointment. I step even closer, I want to hold her. I wish we never had to do any of this, I wish we could live some other lifestyle sometimes, but I am full of rage, I am tired of being promised everything for it to be taken away.

“Please. Come with me. We can rule together.” She takes a step back, so I take two ahead. Rey's terrified. Her breathing gets much faster. 

“You're nobody to them... You know the truth.” She doesn't nod. “Your parents traded you for alcohol. That was it... that's who you'll be a pawn. A pawn. So easy to discard.”

My lip trembles for a brief second. 

“I won't discard you.” I make a motion to grab her hand but she just stands still and I just keep talking, looking down at her hand before up to her eyes once more. “You, of all people, know that.” 

I didn't want to lose more people. 

I didn't want someone to lose faith in me all over again.

“Rey...” A lump built itself in my throat. If not now, then when? “You know how I feel.”

I couldn't bring myself to say anything. She stared at me as if I was interrogating her all over again, surprised by every move I would do, but suddenly there was no hatred. There was only fear wrapped around her and she looked behind her, walking up to the window and pressing her hands against it. 

“Ben, I can't.” I rushed towards her side and she looked back at me, her eyes bewildered yet softening. Was she giving in?!

I didn't dare touch her and we just stood there, side by side, staring. I know we've both not said enough, but the door are opened suddenly, both of us jerking by the sudden sound of stomping erratic feet. 

Shit. 

I grab Rey by her arms, scared that Hux might do something to her, but I need to think of something fast. There's not enough time as he approaches the barely warm body of our Leader. Someone who just used me, like everyone else. I clutch harder into her arms, which I'm surprised she doesn't make any sound of discomfort or anything at all, specifically that one of her arms got a rather harsh burn. 

“What- What just happened here, Ren?!” Hux screams from across the room and I see all the anger masking all of his fear, all of his defeat, all of his insecurity about whatever will happen. All of it is clouded with rage and desire to frankly kill me. 

“Why is the scavenger still alive?” Hux exclaims much closer and that's when I don't hold, letting go of Rey's burnt arm. I notice her final glance at the window, realizing that it's far too late for both of us to escape. I stretch my arm towards Hux and start chocking his neck. He gives out a whimper, before he pales completely, tugging at his collar, as if that might help him somehow. Now all of the fear is released. 

“I'm your Supreme Leader now.” I glance quickly at Rey. “So is the scavenger.”

I step closer to the ginger General. He doesn't plead, but it's written all over his eyes. He tugs even more and the more I hold him like this, the more chances that he won't make it out alive. I choke him further, tightening my grip, watching him suffer. 

“S-Supreme Leaders...” He says in a very quiet voice, because that's all he's managing and that's when I let go of him. He collapses on the floor, nearly passing out and lifting his head up to stare at Rey, who didn't even try to stop it. Maybe she wanted him killed. Maybe I should've kicked him,but instead I step over him. 

“Prepare an attack on Crait, General.” I order. Rey stands still up to the point that I have to turn around and motion for the girl to follow me. She does so, stepping over the recently choked Hux and we both leave the throne room. Rey keeps silent and once we start passing my chambers, she pushes me inside. Her hands are on my chest, grasping at the black fabric. 

“That's not what I agreed to! I didn't even agree to anything!” Rey nearly screams, now that we're alone and the bed is still unmade with plenty of evidence of our newly shown bond. 

“Yet, you stayed!” I say in the same intonation and raised voice. I take her face in my hands. 

“You stayed.” I say softer now, looking at her and she's just horrified of her own hesitation, of her own lack of a decision at the right moment. I whisper to her bewildered and horrified eyes. “You did the right choice.”

I kiss her forehead. She's trembling in my arms now, as I hold her. Rey can take all the time she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figuring out how to make this scene happen was something I was terrified of and frankly went in... blindly. Just me, music and the blank parts of the page waiting to be filled. I'm doing this fanfic for Camp Nano and I'm awfully enjoying it, even if I have a very small goal and I'm writing at a snail pace. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos and everything!


	4. Chapter 4

She screamed but she would keep her head high the first day. Rey was no fool, if she showed any signs of not wanting to be here, she would quite possibly die or get locked up in the most positive outcome. 

“You can't possibly do this to me! I never wanted this! I can't be in the First Order!” She would scream at me and then start pacing around in my quarters, as I just watched her. The scavenger was like a tiger in a cage, but she had admitted defeat. She had accepted her cage. I didn't dare to touch her further, I just watched her, standing, from afar now. I had no idea how to console her, how to make her calm down. I hadn't interacted with someone for so long, it was all about giving orders. Then she stopped pacing, her breathing very heavy and a thousand thoughts running through her head, before saying it out loud. “I need to be alone, Ben.”

I just nodded silently and left my quarters, hoping that she wouldn't jump into space from a window. I walked around my quarters for a while, until I felt a hand on me, yanking me into another room, which was empty. I turned around to see a very furious Hux. 

“What the hell are you doing, Ren?” He said through his teeth. “Killing the Supreme Leader might be for your own benefit. But dragging this girl with you-”

But he was no closer to be doing done, he would rarely blow his cool around me, it was always like some twisted game of finding the other's weak spot sometimes and press on it without seeing much, so that we could get closer to Snoke. I knew that I had done my fair share of mistakes and so had he. I just waited for him to find the right words to make it sting. 

“Since when are you even into girls?” He says, as if he's looking down on me. “Why of all the galaxy and everyone on board the ship, some scavenger had managed to change you, down to the core?”

Hux took a step closer to me and we were both glaring into the other's eyes. 

“Hux, I think it's more than time for you to-”

“You were always into men.” I flinch. I knew that my sexuality was a long discussed issue aboard the ship, I had literally been in every guy's pants over the past few years, knowing who I was. Now, all of this was sudden with so many twists and turns. It was hard enough to accept myself as gay and now I had to throw away the label only to flail around with women, barely knowing how to act and feeling like everything which was a part of me was actually a fraud. I didn't need some ginger asshole to tell me what to do. I already had enough trouble accepting myself and hearing someone voice out all my concerns, become some sort of conscience was the worst that could happen to me regarding my own mind. “So maybe you should stick to it instead of having such a pathetic weakness?”

I didn't hold and grabbed him by his fucking fancy jacket collar and lifting him up against the wall.

“It's none of your fucking business.” I said nearly spitting into his face, but I held. I was the Supremem Leader after all, but I couldn't bring myself to execute him and now I needed more men. Luke Skywalker along with the Resistance would be a tough cookie to crack, not to mention losing was such an easy thing to do. Killing off the General who would be and was a great asset was a stupid, fucking stupid idea. 

“Oh, no, Ren, it's absolutely my business.” I shouldn't have made it go this personal and left with chocking the damn ginger. He still had the guts to reply and answer back. “One thing is batting for one team and knowing when to stop, another is when you're out of control for a scavenger from the Rebellion who will turn on you in your sleep and kill you off with a lightsaber for good.” 

Some new, unreadable expression quickly flashed in his eyes, but I barely caught it, let alone had time to analyze it. 

“Does she even want to be here or is she just as lovestruck as you are?” I grab him and slam him against the wall once more, hitting his head, but as if he is pain-proof, he just keeps talking. I can't bring myself to talk to him, which is the first time in all of the years I've known him. I never considered him my ally, I knew that he wanted me to be gone besides some few signs of weakness, like some softness when I had first arrived. I slam him again, recalling how he had been nice, even if he wasn't entirely confident in having a newly reformed Skywalker on our side. I'm sure I had hit him to blood, but unless he's properly choked he barely stops spitting venom. “Maybe go back to being a queer rather than someone who can be seduced by the first scum which jerks you off in a different way?”

I slam him again, with all my force this time and he lets out a scream, closing his eyes from the sudden hit and then just opening them, full of pain, but no hints of regret in his look, maybe just desire to have kept his mouth shut in order to avoid some major head injury. He opens his mouth to say further filth and I slam him again. Hux doesn't resist, so I don't know what his tactics really are. What's even on his mind is unknown to me, I've slammed him enough times that his only desires are to hit back, but he's too weak to do anything. 

I decide to leave him in the quarters and I end up walking around alone, snapping at some Stormtroopers. I don't even know what to even think after Hux, if gossip reached the general, then surely one of the brunettes I wasn't killing off spoke and the fact that I left Rey alive wasn't doing too much good. I didn't even know why I cared about gossip that much. Maybe it was simply because I couldn't accept myself in a way. I kept walking on, stopping in an empty corridor and looking out to stars and nothing, seeing my reflection. That's supposed to calm you down, right?

But I didn't see anything calming. I could only hear Snoke's menacing voice, which I had killed off far too swiftly. I didn't hesitate like I had... with dad. I flinched at the sudden thought of it. Thinking of him as of my father was something I never uttered out loud, but I allowed myself to think. I had killed him after all... without much doubt. I knew what had to be done. But the problem was... what would I have done now?

Probably the same. 

I was tired of him and mom. I didn't want anything to do with the Rebellion under any circumstance, it was just as bad as the First Order was under Snoke. But now, things would change dramatically. I would bring peace to the galaxy.

I looked at myself in the eyes through the faint reflection.

We would bring peace to the galaxy. I smiled and looked down. 

But fear would creep behind me, as if it were my shadow, ready to detach itself from the ground and strangle me, taking me down with it. What if Rey was my shadow? She was my weakness for sure, maybe if Snoke hadn't asked me to try and murder her, with all he's said I wouldn't have killed him so suddenly in the first place. 

I wanted to get back to my quarters, but I knew that Rey wanted to be alone. 

I suddenly thought of Hux, surely the General had decided to stand up as fast as possible, I could see him wobbling and heading to the medical ward, so that he didn't have a concussion or anything. I had no one close to discuss this with. I had just beaten him up and we only dined together a few times, because I still had no idea which team did he bat for. Maybe he was uninterested, maybe all he dreamt of was to simply kill me in my sleep and be the one in charge. But he believed in Snoke. Now, he had all reasons to believe that I committed the highest form of treason against the First Order, which I did. I had destroyed it at its core only to replace it with myself. And Rey, who didn't want any of this. I didn't know how to even act properly with all of this happening. 

I knew that it wasn't going to be easy, but I would be lying to myself, if I didn't admit that I thought that she would turn to my side easier than this. But of course, I knew that love couldn't fix everything the First Order had done and all we did was have a bond, which she could easily break for good. 

I wondered if she did escape... would she still sneak and talk to me? Or would I be dead to her? My lips twitched a bit upwards, still looking out of the window, thinking that surely she felt something. I press my hand against the glass and I know that I need to give her hope and faith. But how much time did she really need alone? Maybe she would go outside and try to find me?

I walked around a bit more, more than happy not to bump into Hux, who was probably sitting down the hospital part and lying down, doing extra check ups. He had a tendency to do that. One of the doctors had told me that, it so happened that every time I would choke him or anything, even a small cut from anything would be enough for him to require an entire scan of his body. 

I wondered how much did the General fear death. Well, he looked absolutely devastated and ready to give up on everything back in Snoke's chamber, just to stay alive. But then... who could blame him? We all wanted to remain alive and make an impact, we all wanted to be remembered or to die for a noble cause, when it came to the Stormtroopers, obviously besides the traitor, who needed his head deeply checked. I had no idea how could he have turned, but then I wasn't one to speak of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been quite on a roll with this story, usually I tend to shift between projects, but this time... not really. I've just been writing and writing. I'm also doing this for Camp Nanowrimo, so that explains the pretty fast updates. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the love and support!


	5. Chapter 5

When I came back, I could see that she had been crying and she was just sitting on my bed, cross legged, looking out of the window. I scanned the room, as if she could be playing a prank on me, any prank at all, but she was there. Rey finally turned around to face me. I sat besides her, wondering why didn't she bother to choose the couch or the armchairs. My quarters were naturally big, for someone in my position, which made me wonder, but I just went along with it. I could see that there was a lot she wanted to say, but couldn't bring herself to say anything at all. Her mind was far from blank, it was screaming at her to just leave it, but she couldn't. She was getting ripped apart. I awkwardly leaned forward and her eyes swelled up with tears once more, grabbing me in for a hug and holding me tight. I stroked her back, kissing her neck, unsure exactly on how to show affection properly, but I thought... That this would do. I cleared my throat, trying to find the right words. 

“I was scared.” She lifted her head to face me as I said it. “I knew I couldn't go back... after what Luke had done. I knew that I had to give in... to Snoke. He was the only one who believed in me.”

“Yet... you destroyed him. You killed him, Ben.” I nodded to her words, looking down, allowing myself to be vulnerable. Just to her, she had known me inside out by now, she knew how lonely and betrayed I had felt and how everything was changing now and I hoped that it would still change. I looked into her eyes, trying to find the right words. 

“Sometimes you need to do what's best for you. Sometimes... it's a mean of survival. It's sacrifice.” I sighed and didn't look away and neither did Rey. I held her tighter, pulling her back into my arms. My thumb stroking her neck and I could feel her tears slowly start to soak into my fabric. “Sometimes it's done out of other emotions. I want the best for you. The best for us.”

She tenses up. Her best isn't my best and vice versa. Rey was scared. I was scared. Holding onto each other was like slowly letting go of a thin dream veil, because nothing would go the way either of us wanted. I knew that Rey would struggle deeply and being the most stubborn, she knew there was no way to turn around now. 

In the end we just pushed ourselves onto the bed, holding onto each other. I kept looking into her eyes, seeing fear and a million voices trailing behind me, but the more clarity I would see within her, the fainter the voices sounded, as if they were a spaceship long lost behind me. I couldn't hear them now, I could only feel the scars they had left within me. 

How could I even speak of the demons I was facing? How could Rey speak of her own? Instead we held each other and we fell asleep that way, her forehead against my neck, both of us trying to find space to breathe in a place where there was no day or night, were nothing seemed to be marked by anything, sometimes even I wondered how I managed to stay sane in the dullest of days, but then I had really pushed sex to the limit. 

It bothered me that Hux knew. I didn't try much to hide it either and maybe he was gay as well. That would've explained everything, since he couldn't have used the force to find out who was sleeping with me, neither there was a point in just... asking around. What use would it have done?

I woke up, which seemed to be long before Rey. Her sleeping wasn't peaceful but I didn't dare to wake her up either. Instead I stared outside the window, letting my own thoughts trail further to Hux's confession. I wondered of all the years we had known each other and somehow I hadn't heard of him sleeping with other Stormtroopers, but then I hadn't really asked about him. It was an odd sight to imagine him bent over for someone else's delight and his own. I just saw him as someone deeply untouchable and very well-reserved. 

But it somehow unravelled in my mind. He could've just had sex and then one of the Stormtroopers started talking, as Hux listened, slowly picking up his clothes from the floor. He didn't seem like the type to stay around and let someone sleep in his headquarters. Maybe there was something common among us. At least, that's why I thought he wanted me to go down. Because I would've wanted him to go down, so easily. Or maybe, I thought, nearly putting both hands on the window, he had asked. 

How come we hadn't slept then if he had known?

I don't dare to leave the quarters, looking at a sleeping Rey. At some point she was having a nightmare where she twisted and turned. I had to hold her and eventually she woke up. Her eyes wide open and looking at me, bewildered, maybe I was in her dream, maybe the Starkiller Base was in her dream. Maybe we all were. I pushed a strand of her hair back, which had fallen out of place and she just sat up, silently and seemed to be at a loss for words. 

“I don't... I know what I've done. I'll go through it.” She says quietly and leans closer to me. It doesn't take us long to kiss again, but it doesn't lead to much, we just hold our lips together, before breaking it off. The rest of the day she seems to be like the same animal, exploring the cage now even more eager and opening my closet and going through my clothing. I'm sure to Rey I felt like a heartbreak which was happening and getting back to her at the same time. She pushed the same black attire all to one side, before I could stop her and ask. There wasn't much there. I had come here when I was young, so there was plenty of old things which I had collected, souvenirs of places as if I had just visited them. Rey seemed to be surprised by the lack of things, but then to a scavenger that should come as nothing out of the ordinary. Neither of us would hoard. 

“Everyone looks at me funnily...” She trails off, without finishing her thought. I feel myself a bit on edge, as I keep firmly seated on the bed. “But then... so would everyone look at you, if you had made it to the Resistance. It's a tough choice. To be together, one of us had to give up everything for the other. It's the bitter price of not being alone.”

She turns to me. 

“To be loved.” The scavenger approaches me and now kisses me hungrily, opening her mouth and I follow her, I allow her tongue in my mouth, I feel our anxiety intertwine, as if we could somehow become one being and suddenly everything should make sense, but it doesn't. 

Why had we both fallen in love? How come Snoke's plan had to fall apart so easily? How could've he not seen that I would just give up and slice him in two? But then it was Rey who had given up on it all, just to be with me. I knew that we couldn't get enough of each other, it was a new period in our lives where we would be tracing kisses on each other's bodies, making maps with our tongues and letting every bit of skin be pressed in by fingertips. 

It was truly a sacrifice, a desire to save one's life and someone else's over plenty. I knew that she wouldn't forgive herself, no matter how hard she would try. But her body spoke in all different twisted ways and tongues, she wanted me and she couldn't get enough. I wasn't far behind. I knew all the boundaries I had stepped over and I was terribly in lvoe with someone who was just as foreign to their side as I was. I couldn't fit in, I was just a boy in a mask for so long... Looking at the ashes of my grandparent, while Rey was a scavenger who just wanted to know her parents. When you strip a person, you'll see how selfish they really are.

I could see her right to the bone. 

I grabbed both her breasts and squeezed them, causing her to moan into my kiss, grabbing my increasingly hard cock. I broke the kiss and grinned at her, as we both seemed to have feline features, happily indulging in such activities. She pulled down my pants and then went on her knees, licking my entire length once she got my cock out. 

“Good girl...” I trailed off as Rey kept teasing me with her tongue, a hand sneaking between her legs and under all the fabric just to masturbate in front of me as she would suck me. I wanted to be inside her again. I pushed her up, turned her around and pushed her onto the bed. 

“May I?” I groaned in her ear. 

“Yes.” Breathing heavily. I pushed her garments down, exposing her dripping wet pussy. A slick trail running from bottom to end and glistering. I took off my gloves and spread her hole wide with my fingers, as she adjusted herself on fours.

I didn't bother with protection or anything, just like last time. I wanted to claim her as my own. 

I stroked her back, before thrusting full force. 

Rey let out a very loud scream, clutching the covers underneath her, watching the void in front of her, the stars, planets and no one familiar.

“Ben... Ben... Ben...” She repeated with every thrust, every moan, as I held onto her breasts with hard nipples and I kept getting more hard. Rey kept getting more wet. We were both so excited. We couldn't stop. Then she lifted herself up and I fucked her from behind, running my hands all over her beautiful body with all her scars. 

“You're so fucking sexy.” I whispered and looked into her dark eyes. I thrust as harshly as I could and she screamed in blissful pain, her body starting to shake and I watched her, as I dissolved in her, biting her neck, ejaculating every drop inside to ease both of our tensions physically for a brief while. 

We both collapsed as Rey started kissing me. I became aware of it all, watching her and I knew she could feel all my emotions, she could spell it out for me. Her eyes swelled up.

“Me too, Ben, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the massive delay! I've been rather excited about the trailer, as has everyone! Hope you're enjoying the story so far!
> 
> If you want to support me, you can now do so!  
> https://ko-fi.com/graspthesanity  
> https://www.patreon.com/graspthesanity

**Author's Note:**

> I've started coming to terms with my queer sexuality and this plot actually came to me in a dream, after being away from Kylux for a minute. It made me rethink the movie and all. Writing this was therapeutic for myself and put my doubts, insecurities to paper. 
> 
> The title Starpower is because of the Sonic Youth song, which was written by Thurston but sang by Kim on the album, always giving me a queer vibe.


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